i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
