I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
