I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
even my farts smell like vagina
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
