The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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