I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Still dying that you shit outside
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
