i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
