Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
