If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
