just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We left the knife in your bed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
