I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
