We won't sleep together?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This house was built for laser tag.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
