if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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