OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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