I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize