i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
