cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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