Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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