if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
