I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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