Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
