As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
