standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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