you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
