Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
