after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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