I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
