it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
