Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's shark week go big or go home
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
