Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
