as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
