omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
