I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
