its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
