Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
