I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I have post one night stand depression
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
