I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
