...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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