Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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