so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
