this just has baby written all over it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
