We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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