I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
