my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
