Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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