It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
