she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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