it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
