i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
