it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
