I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
