Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
