you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
