What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
