I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
porn star boner night. come get it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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