Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
