Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
