Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
