If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
