Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
