Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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