I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
