I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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