Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
