Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
