the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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