I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
